Life Update.

I'm super not a fan of life updates. I talk a lot, but it's my goal to talk a lot to not say a lot. If I had enough self-esteem to say that I liked to hear myself talk, that would be the reason, but I'm far, far, too self deprecating for that.

This is more, cathartic, and I'm hoping that if I send out into the universe in as many directions as possible that I'm looking for a decently paid, supportive environment - along with my own efforts - I'll find one, and one will find me and we'll find each other and it will be good.

If you follow me on twitter...then you know I have a job - while grateful to be employed - but it's bitter-sweet. Without getting into much detail I work in a highly dysfunctional place, from the top level down to me; I've been working here over a year and basically have leaned to cover my ass and do my job without walking on people, or blaming others because everyone is so embittered who works here. Any initiative that is attempted is stamped on and no one really knows what is going on 100% of the time. ANYWAY, I digress...and on twitter I go on frequent rants, keep up there.

Since looking for a job I've been stuck on a how to enact the "law of attraction" and being mindful of self talk and how I speak with others, as well as honouring my feelings. Because, frankly after 9 months of searching I feel pretty shit. It's exhausting. I'm also not naturally competitive or good at talking myself up. I've also never had an issue getting a job before. I've always known someone, and they basically gave me the job on a silver platter.

Me sending resumes

                          

                               How I feel (sometimes an hour after sending my application) waiting for a call back

                                  

Getting the call back

                              

How eloquent I am in the interview

After the interview

Most of the time if it's a woman the age of 45 + they love me. I can't explain why, but they all think I'm charming and hilarious. Which is true. Despite having tons of experience in the jobs I've applied for, there is usually a (this is the recruiter telling me) someone with more experience and less personality than me. I'm someone people want to work with, but "economically speaking from a business perspective" they would spend less time training the other person (and more time ruing the day they didn't hire me). I'm certain sexual favours were offered or large sums of cash money, because twice now I've been told "you're a shoe-in, they love you, they were actually raving about how awesome you are" to be told "they went with the boring one with more experience". I'm paraphrasing there but you get the gist. 

What hurts more is knowing that I'm not at work today giving my two weeks. I'm here, on the search again, repeating this cycle. This time I hope with a new ending. Something comparable to this: 

Me getting a job (by the end of the month, tops).